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"A friend asked yesterday if this blog is addressed to anyone in particular? I said yes– it’s a love letter to someone I haven’t met yet."
CarrollBlog 8.31
Not so not so
My soul does not believe me
My heart has some personal doubts
My mind doesn’t listen
My health is slipping
My youth has passed away
My family snapshots do not live
My country is now different
Even hell has misled because it’s cold
I covered myself completely so I couldn't be seen
But a tear ran out
And undressed in public
Jan Twardowski
CarrollBlog 8.29
Overheard Written Down
by Jan Twardowski
The door shuddered – who is it?
– Death
entered a slight teeny-weeny with a scythe like a matchstick
Surprise. Eyes agog
and it screeched
– I came for the canary
CarrollBlog 8.26
“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”
Louis de Bernières
CarrollBlog 8.25
Light Is More Important Than The Lantern
Light is more important than the lantern,
The poem more important than the notebook,
And the kiss more important than the lips.
My letters to you
Are greater and more important than both of us.
They are the only documents
Where people will discover
Your beauty
And my madness.
Nizar Qabbani
CarrollBlog 8.24
"To love.To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance.To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the
vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple.To respect strength, never power.Above all, to watch.To try and understand.To never look away.And never, never, to forget
Arundhati Roy
CarrollBlog 8.23
Oddjob, a Bull Terrier
by Derek Walcott
You prepare for one sorrow,
but another comes.
It is not like the weather,
you cannot brace yourself,
the unreadiness is all.
Your companion, the woman,
the friend next to you,
the child at your side,
and the dog,
we tremble for them,
we look seaward and muse
it will rain.
We shall get ready for rain;
you do not connect
the sunlight altering
the darkening oleanders
in the sea-garden,
the gold going out of the palms.
You do not connect this,
the fleck of the drizzle
on your flesh,
with the dog's whimper,
the thunder doesn't frighten,
the readiness is all;
what follows at your feet
is trying to tell you
the silence is all:
it is deeper than the readiness,
it is sea-deep,
earth-deep,
love-deep.
The silence is stronger than thunder,
we are stricken dumb and deep
as the animals who never utter love
as we do, except
it becomes unutterable
and must be said,
in a whimper,
in tears,
in the drizzle that comes to our eyes
not uttering the loved thing's name,
the silence of the dead,
the silence of the deepest buried love is
the one silence,
and whether we bear it for beast,
for child, for woman, or friend,
it is the one love, it is the same,
and it is blest
deepest by loss
it is blest, it is blest.
CarrollBlog 8.20
"Maybe instead of strings it's stories things are made of, an infinite number of tiny vibrating stories; once upon a time they all were part of one giant superstory, except it got broken up into a jillion pieces, that's why no story on its own makes any sense, and so what you have to do in a life is try and weave it back together, my story into your story, our stories into all the other people’s we know, until you’ve got something that to God or whoever might look like a letter or even a whole word…"
Paul Murray
CarrollBlog 8.19
FAREWELL
by Agha Shahid Ali
“At a certain point I lost track of you.
You needed me. You needed to perfect me.
In your absence you polished me into the Enemy.
Your history gets in the way of my memory.
I am everything you lost. You can’t forgive me.
I am everything you lost. Your perfect Enemy.
Your memory gets in the way of my memory:
If only somehow you could have been mine, what wouldn’t
have happened in the world?
I’m everything you lost. You won’t forgive me.
My memory keeps getting in the way of your history.
There is nothing to forgive, so you can’t forgive me.
I hid my pain even from myself; I revealed my pain only to myself.
If only somehow you could have been mine,
what would not have been possible in the world?”
CarrollBlog 8.18
FOR DESIRE
Give me the strongest cheese, the one that stinks best;
and I want the good wine, the swirl in crystal
surrendering the bruised scent of blackberries,
or cherries, the rich spurt in the back
of the throat, the holding it there before swallowing.
Give me the lover who yanks open the door
of his house and presses me to the wall
in the dim hallway, and keeps me there until I’m drenched
and shaking, whose kisses arrive by the boatload
and begin their delicious diaspora
through the cities and small towns of my body.
To hell with the saints, with martyrs
of my childhood meant to instruct me
in the power of endurance and faith,
to hell with the next world and its pallid angels
swooning and sighing like Victorian girls.
I want this world. I want to walk into
the ocean and feel it trying to drag me along
like I’m nothing but a broken bit of scratched glass,
and I want to resist it. I want to go
staggering and flailing my way
through the bars and back rooms,
through the gleaming hotels and weedy
lots of abandoned sunflowers and the parks
where dogs are let off their leashes
in spite of the signs, where they sniff each
other and roll together in the grass, I want to
lie down somewhere and suffer for love until
it nearly kills me, and then I want to get up again
and put on that little black dress and wait
for you, yes you, to come over here
and get down on your knees and tell me
just how fucking good I look
Kim Addonizio
CarrollBlog 8.17
"Two weeks ago Kaspar and Vanessa had been watching television in bed, something both of them liked to do especially after having sex. It was one of those afternoon talk shows, the subject for that day reincarnation and the Afterlife. After listening to three “experts” blab on a subject they knew nothing about, Kaspar grumbled that people don’t remember their past lives because it would be either too depressing, painful or confusing. “We don’t even get over bad high school memories! How would knowing you were once a slave in ancient Peru, cut into pieces and fed to wild dogs because you were insubordinate help you to live better now? Most lives are either boring or they suck. Do people really think it was any different in the past?”
from the new book
CarrollBlog 8.15
Another Long Night in the Office of Dreams
There’s a woman I’m in love with, but I forget
what she looks like, so I take out my paintbrushes
and create my image of her.
Your eyes are blue like the morning of going.
Your ears are tender twists of logic. Your thighs
are impossible avenues my car swerves out of control on.
I want to cut the silence with your shoulderblades,
blow moon-shaped kisses to orbit your skull
as you sleep on the highest ledge of my insomnia,
but I’m a broken promise in a pawn shop,
and this is just a secret that happens to involve you.
Jeffrey McDaniel
CarrollBlog 8.14
A Bowl Of Warm Air
by Moniza Alvi
“Someone is falling towards you
as an apple falls from a branch,
moving slowly, imperceptibly, as if
into a new political epoch,
or excitedly like a dog towards a bone.
he is holding in both hands
everything he knows he has-
a bowl of warm air.
He has sighted you from afar
as if you were a dramatic crooked tree
on the horizon and he has seen you close up
like the underside of a mushroom.
but he cannot open you like a newspaper
or put you down like a newspaper.
And you are satisfied that he is veering towards you
and that he is adjusting his speed
and that the sun and the wind and rain are in front of him
and the sun and the wind and rain are behind him.”
CarrollBlog 8.13
To kiss the forehead – is to erase worry.
I kiss the forehead.
To kiss the eyes – is to cure insomnia.
I kiss the eyes.
To kiss the lips – is to quench thirst.
I kiss the lips.
To kiss the forehead – is to erase memory.
I kiss the forehead.
Marina Tsvetaeva, 1917
CarrollBlog 8.11
The United States is locked in the kind of twilight disconnect that grips dying empires, is a country entranced by illusion. It spends its emotional and intellectual energy on the trivial and absurd. It is captivated by the hollow stagecraft of celebrity culture as the walls crumble. This celebrity culture giddily licenses a dark voyeurism into other people’s humiliation, pain, weakness and betrayal. Day after day, one lurid saga after another enthralls the country…despite bank collapses, wars, mounting poverty or the criminality of its financial class.
Chris Hedges
CarrollBlog 8.7
“Your head’s like mine, like all our heads; big enough to contain every god and devil there ever was. Big enough to hold the weight of oceans and the turning stars. Whole universes fit in there! But what do we choose to keep in this miraculous cabinet? Little broken things, sad trinkets that we play with over and over. The world turns our key and we play the same little tune again and again and we think that tune’s all we are.”
Grant Morrison.
CarrollBlog 8.6
I call her Ria, but I could call her salt or lightning just as well.
The two of us do many senseless things, We call
them beautiful, and drop them.
She is carved out of x-rays. She radiates through
walls and my words. She is very far away.
If I am alone, she sits here in front of my eyes.
I think I must pain her, because she sighs and sheds
her sadness on my body.
How strange that no one has noticed the flowers
above her head! I have seen and heard them; they fling
colored bells in all directions.
From them, her future children smile at me.
She walks among them, takes care of them, thinking
meanwhile she is cleaning the house and making dinner.
We are prongs of the same tuning fork, and still, if
we look at each other at times sadness flies up with a
hoarse sound.
Attila Jozsef
CarrollBlog 8.5
FIREFLIES
And these are my vices:
impatience, bad temper, wine,
the more than occasional cigarette,
an almost unquenchable thirst to be kissed,
a hunger that isn’t hunger
but something like fear, a staunching of dread
and a taste for bitter gossip
of those who’ve wronged me—for bitterness—
and flirting with strangers and saying sweetheart
to children whose names I don’t even know
and driving too fast and not being Buddhist
enough to let insects live in my house
or those cute little toy like mice
whose soft grey bodies in sticky traps
I carry, lifeless, out to the trash
and that I sometimes prefer the company of a book
to a human being, and humming
and living inside my head
and how as a girl I trailed a slow-hipped aunt
at twilight across the lawn
and learned to catch fireflies in my hands,
to smear their sticky, still-pulsing flickering
onto my fingers and earlobes like jewels.
Cecilia Woloch
CarrollBlog 8.4
A Man Alone
by Stephen Orlen
I hated breaking up and I hated
Being left, finding myself in an apartment
With an extra set of silverware and a ghost,
Impatient to be gone. Then to summon up
Who I was before the bed was full with woman.
To shift the street-mind from getting to
To slowing down and window shop. In the bar down the street,
To let my eyes simplify again, and make no judgments,
And breathe in the smoke that drifts
Through one body then another,
And find myself close enough
To whisper into a woman's just-washed hair
And inhale that ten thousand year old scent.
To memorize a phone number.
To learn to say goodnight at her door.
To keep my hands in my pockets, like a boy.
To open the heart, only a little at a time.
CarrollBlog 8.1
THAT WOULD NOT BE GOOD
by Anna Swir
When I am alone
I am afraid to turn
too quickly.
What is behind my back
may not, after all, be ready
to take a shape suitable
for human eyes.
And that would not be good.